On Being Non Judgemental

I assisted a family at the hospital a few nights ago. Their 20 y/o daughter had died after suffering from Sickle Cell (among other ailments.) A large family arrived to grieve their loss. Some were more demonstrative (to say the least) than others. One family member attempted to kick a doctor, twice. Another ran down the hall way smack into a stairwell door and then fell to the floor crying. Others grieved by screaming, others wept silently. After grabbing one woman by her ankles so she would stop trying to kick people, I let go of her and walked out into the hallway. From here I could get a good look at all of them. There was a dozen stories I could come up with about this family. Heck, the family had already told me a few. The deceased's mother was a no show "drugee" and the deceased's boy friend was in a custody battle with her over their 6mnth old child. He was abusive. As I was able to gain some perspective, I figured out even with that info I knew very little about these people. I didn't fully know all their hardships, what brings them joy, or who gets along with who. The family was separated into 3 groups so I assumed their was division and enough blame to go around for a few families. Then I stopped and told myself that all my inner inquiry was leading me to draw conclusions about these people-some that might be true, most not. I reentered the family room and attempted the best I could to comfort the Aunt that had practically raised the deceased as her own child. That was like trying to stop a freight train. In the middle of her 5 hours of demonstrative grieving she opened her arms up and pulled me onto my knees and gave me a big bear hug. I told her I was sorry and she said she could tell I was sorry. Especially when people are experiencing a significant loss, it behooves us to refrain from judgement. It is better that we see the suffering individual as the embodiment of Christ, no matter their shortcomings and emotional displays. It seemed to work in my favor this evening. It was one of the toughest cases I'd ever encountered. Seeing them as a child of God and as Christ embodiers, changed the way I ministered to them. They figured this out quickly and by the end of our time together there was a smidgen of something redemptive that took place in all of us. Race, culture, lies and truths alike all crossed and got mixed up for 5 hours. The gift that presented itself as a result out of this entangled mess was the truth that we are not in as much control as we pretend and that truth that God can move us to cross boundaries without much help form us at all. These are good moments. In this case, it was a good moment in the midst of a tragedy. At times I wonder if these are glimpses of the Kingdom--something larger than us and not altered by our petty hangups. Too bad we miss them most of the time.

Scrap Positive Thinking

I've been visiting a family at the hospital. The father of this kind family is dying of a blood-related cancer. I think a lot of this family though I have only known them for a short time. They were doing well coping with the new diagnosis. They knew it would be difficult. The patient renewed his faith and in talking with him was amazed at his ability to speak of what his illness has taught him. It was as if he had an awakening of some sort. They are Catholic and his faith has been a major factor in aiding his coping with his illness.
Then a lay person from their church visited and told them to 'keep a positive attitude" and then reinforced that this positive attitude would in some way reverse the horrible physical and mental pain this gentleman was suffering.
The family bought it some what though I think the patient's wife was cautious. Then a friend read an article in the Dallas Morning News. It was titled, The Tyranny of Positive Thinking. Love the title. You can read it at this link: http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/fea/columnists/mjacobs/stories/DN-nh_jacobsessay_0403liv.ART.State.Edition1.212556c.html

The article had a great piece of art to illustrate the message of the article. I printed a copy of the DMN web page and rushed it down the hall to the patient's wife. I used the artwork to illustrate what positive thinking will do when it eventually becomes a burden. I pointed out the tears that were, instead of flowing down the cheeks of this face, being swallowed only to pool up in the throat. We have all felt that pooling effect at one time or another as we try to choke back our sorrow so that we may have a positive attitude. The grieving spouse got it immediately. She related quickly and thanked me. She said, "Yes, this is it. This is the way I've been feeling."
And then I wondered, where in the heck did Christians adopt this ridiculous idea that positive thinking has this much power? I find myself getting angrier and angrier over this foolishness that exists nowhere in the Bible. Good Friday was yesterday. If Jesus would have only thought more positively! Ugghh! Jesus said, "Father, Why have you forsaken me?" not, "If I could only keep my chin up . . ."
The Sunday School class I teach watched Jesus Christ Superstar this past Sunday. I was surprised few had seen it. When Jesus asked God if there was any other way out and then finally says something like, "You better make it quick before I change my mind!", one viewer said, "Wow, I knew Jesus might have questioned but I've never thought of his doubt going that deep." Could have, in my humble opinion. Positive thinking. It's the craze nowadays. Don't buy into it. It will be like eating cheeze wiz in a can. It'll taste good for a while, you'll become lazy and out of shape, then it won't taste so good anymore, but you'll be too close to dead to care.